After 26 years of marriage, we are still in the honeymoon phase! Here’s what has worked for us.
Make your marriage a priority every single day, especially after you have kids. Remember why you love him. Do the things you did when you first fell in love. Treat every day like it’s your anniversary. Make hellos and goodbyes a big deal. Always kiss goodnight. Pray for your relationship.
These are all practical tips, but sometimes you need a little more explanation or examples. Here they come!
Making Your Marriage a Priority
We all have priorities in our lives…whether we even realize it or not.
How long has it been since you went a day without checking your favorite social media app?
I don’t think about it either, but if I’m honest and admit that I check it every single day, then I realize that it’s a priority for me.
Making our marriage a priority is a decision that we have to make high on our to do list every day. A conscious decision.
For us as Christians, the relational order of importance in our lives is…
- God
- Spouse
- Kids
- Others
I had a hard time with this when our kids were babies, and they just plain needed me so much. Working full time and managing family life was hard for me.
I can’t tell you how many times Derek would remind me that one day, our house would be empty again, except for the two of us, and he wanted us to not be strangers when that happened. {heart eyes}
So, I write this from a place of far-from-perfection!
At least one of you needs to keep the perspective at all times that your relationship should be at or near the top, and that’s a good thing!
We have one unusual habit that we started years ago to keep our marriage a daily priority. You can read about it here.
Keeping your marriage high in your priority list also speaks volumes to your spouse…in their worth, how much you treasure them, how much you appreciate them.
Remember Your Why
Let’s be honest. Sometimes, marriage is like, “Why did I think this was a good idea?!” 😀
During these times, and on a regular basis, we need to remember why we loved this person from the beginning.
For me, Derek’s faith was so big. I’d never met a guy who loved God like he did. He also did really thoughtful things that made me feel really special. And he was cute.
If remembering your why is hard, then here are some things you can do:
- Reminisce with your spouse about when you were dating. Share funny stories and memories from that time.
- Have a date night where you re-create one of your first dates. We went to see Rain Man and ate at McDonald’s on our first date. That could be fun to do again. 🙂
- Pull out old memorabilia from when you first fell in love…love letters, photos, yearbooks maybe.
- Write a letter to your spouse telling him why you love him. List things that drew you to him then and things that you love about him now.
- Set a reminder on your calendar to do one of these on a set schedule. Every couple of months, once a year, whatever feels like enough for you to maintain your memory of “why.”
Every Day an Anniversary
If you looked at us on Valentine’s Day or our anniversary, you might wonder how our relationship is going.
That’s because one of Derek’s mantras about marriage is that every day should be Valentine’s Day. Or your anniversary.
Not that celebrating on those days is wrong!
It’s just having a mindset that says there’s no reason to wait to show someone how much you love them.
Don’t wait to say I love you.
Don’t wait to buy him a gift “just because.”
Don’t wait to make a special meal just for your spouse.
Don’t wait to spend an hour doing something that he loves to do, that’s not really your thing (like playing scrabble, lol).
We are not promised tomorrow.
from James 4, the Bible
Make today your anniversary!
Say Hello and Goodbye Every Day
Make a decision to acknowledge each other when you come and go.
[The further into this we go, the more I realize that if it had been up to me, I would have no marriage at this point!]
Here, we have another of Derek’s priorities that I would have just let slide…and yet, looking back, I can see that it keeps us from getting so used to each other that we take each other for granted.
This is major!
When your spouse comes in the door or leaves the house, …
- Stop what you’re doing.
- Go to him.
- Kiss each other.
- Hug.
- Smile.
- Say something nice.
This whole process takes about one minute. Longer if you’re not in the middle of something. But who are we kidding? We are always in the middle of something!
Okay, so am I saying that 100% of the time we do this?
Well, almost.
We always greet each other with a kiss and a smile.
But.
I don’t necessarily go and meet him at the door.
If we were still in the diaper changing stage, that would be a prime time when I would not leave my post. haha
If I’m cooking something, I don’t leave. (I have been known to get distracted and burn things. Yikes.)
Now that I think about it, I hardly ever go to Derek when he comes in the door. Hmmm…maybe I should take my own advice.
Always kiss goodnight.
Yes, I’ve seen the wall hangings that people decorate with that say this. No, I don’t have one.
But it really is important. It’s one {more} way to put your marriage at the top of your priority list and keep that honeymoon alive.
So we’ve made it almost to the end of the list, and I haven’t even mentioned what a lot of people immediately think of when they hear “the honeymoon phase.”
And I’m not going to mention it now, lol.
That other thing is critical in a successful marriage. And if you’re doing all of the things on this list, then that other thing is probably going to take care of itself. If not, you’ll have to read about it somewhere else because I’m not mature enough to write about it! 😀
Pray for Your Marriage
I saved the best for last. As Christians, we seek God’s love and blessing and direction, among many things.
Let me be clear.
God has never failed me when I have prayed for my marriage.
You can pray for your marriage, too. Prayer is simply talking to God, believing that He will answer you in His own way and in His own time. Listen and watch for His answer.
I hope that all of these ideas will get your creative juices flowing and that you, too, will be able to keep that honeymoon phase alive for years to come!