When I searched (just out of curiosity) for marriage in the books section of Amazon, it said there were more than 80,000 results.
No one person or couple is going to go through a tenth of those books in a life time!
We’ve read our share of books about marriage, and there are three that rise to the top.
- The Bible. The Bible is so much about marriage…it’s the exact analogy God chose to help us understand our relationship with Him!
Now, I predict that when you saw that as my first pick, you either: A) rolled your eyes and closed this page, B) rolled your eyes and skipped to #2, or C) you’re still reading. If you’re still reading, thank you! We’ll talk more, after I share with you my other two favorites. 🙂
2. Sheet Music by Kevin Leman. Don’t let the 2003 publishing date throw you. The advice is timeless.
3. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. This one’s a classic, and it has the power to change your marriage, and all of your relationships, for the better.
Now that you know my picks, I’ll give you a little insight into how they worked for us.
The Bible
Before I get into this section, let me say that I’m not a Bible scholar!!
If you’re new to the Bible, my advice is to choose one that makes sense to you! A lot of people really like the ESV version.
The one I read 99% of the time is the NLT version.
If you go to Bible Gateway’s website, you can read the same verse in tons of different translations to see what makes the most sense to you.
OK, now to why in the world I’m saying the Bible is my #1 pick for a marriage book.
In Ephesians 5, the writer compares how husbands love their wives with how Christ loves the church.
For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her…
Ephesians 5:25, NLT
The Bible models for us how to have the best relationships possible.
Over and over again.
The book, Song of Songs (AKA Song of Solomon) in the Bible is one long, romantic love poem…with some symbolism that might even be a little bit shocking. 😲
There is even a chapter (1 Corinthians 13) that is known as the “love chapter” and is often read at weddings.
{My dear friend, Jeffery, read it at ours.}
If you’ve been a Christian for a while, then none of these references were things you didn’t already know.
But I do hope that they help you to re-frame your research into building a better marriage by realizing the amazing resource the Bible is.
Try doing a word study of “marriage” or “love” to see how the Lord speaks to you.
I love using the Blue Letter Bible app for this. It’s free.
The very cool part, though, is how it will find all of the times that word, such as romantic love, as opposed to brotherly love, for example, is used.
Here’s how to find it in the app:
| Type in your search. |
| Scroll until you find a verse to study. |
| Touch that verse. |
| Choose “Read in Bible View”. |
| Touch the verse (again). |
| Choose Interlinear/Concordance. |
| Scroll down to the word you are studying. |
| Touch that word. |
| Scroll all the way down to see the other places in the Bible where you’ll find the same word used. |
Sheet Music
Kevin Leman is a psychologist who has written lots of books about marriage and parenting.
He has a great sense of humor, so his writing is enjoyable to read.
This book gets the #2 spot, though, because of the content within the book.
Sheet Music helps couples to understand the importance of sex within their marriage and helpful tips for keeping the romance alive.
I won’t give away too many of the details, but there was one suggestion that I can share that we have done for many years, and it’s surprising how much it matters!
Leman suggests choosing a scent for your bedroom that is special to both of you and something you don’t use any other time.
For us, that means we have a special detergent that we use only for our sheets. We don’t wash anyone’s clothes or anything else with that particular detergent.
So, when I smell Hawaiian Breeze (that’s not actually it–I have to keep some secrets haha), I’m reminded of Derek and our relationship. And it’s just a good thing.
The Five Love Languages
Do you ever read things and think, “Why didn’t I think of that?!”
Well, I never would have thought of the five love languages, and yet, they make so much sense!
The basic idea is that every person has a primary way that they feel the most loved.
That way is their love language.
The five love languages are…
- words of affirmation
- quality time
- tangible gifts
- physical touch
- acts of service
The book goes into what each of these really means and how to know what yours and your loved ones’ are.
It also gives you ideas for showing love to your loved ones in a way that “speaks” their love language!
It’s so smart.
Here’s a couple of examples.
If your spouse’s love language is acts of service, they’re going to feel most loved when you bring them breakfast in bed, clean the bathroom without being asked, refill their water bottle, or do something similar just because you love them and they’re special to you.
If your spouse’s love language is quality time, then they’re likely to feel most loved when you set aside time to activities just with them, giving them your undivided attention (especially from your phone!).
You get the idea. The book goes into so much more detail.
Let me know if you take me up on any of these suggestions! Email me at mary {at} kennedyfamfive {dot} com.😀